DENVER, Colorado-

I guess the Colorado DMV has no sense of humor, and I can understand why. In a day and age when everything is about being politically correct and everyone is terrified that they may offend the person next to them, the Colorado DMV decided it wasn’t going to take any chances.

That stuffy outlook on life didn’t help Kelly Coffman-Lee at all. Kelly & Co. believed their favorite family food was so healthy that they wanted to share their insider knowledge and promote it everywhere they went. But the DMV didn’t like her idea. Honestly, I can see the debate from both sides. The DMV, fearful of being inappropriate and a possible lawsuit, decided Kelly’s idea for a personalized license plate had no place in their state, and Kelly just wanted to tell the world how much she and her family loved Tofu. What better way than to have a license plate on your car that reads, “ILVTOFU”?

The DMV’s cited their resistance to the personalized plate was that it could be misinterpreted, and I can totally agree with that assumption. No one really knows what percentage of the population would misinterpret it if it were actually on a car, but my guess is a very high percentage. I may get the true intended meaning of the license plate, but I’ll admit the misunderstood meaning would definitely be my first interpretation. I would also guess that the majority of men would initially misunderstand it, and the majority of women would not (It’s a guy thing:). I can also comfortably say that if Kelly actually was able to have the “ILVTOFU” plate, at times she would have a train of men following her car around town, it would be like a mobile Craigslist ad that’s all subject and no substance.

The moral of the story: Sorry guys, if you see a car driving around any state with the license plate “ILVTOFU,” get your head outta the gutter, it’s not what you think, and the driver probably won’t flash you either.

© 2009 StrangeRush.com

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SUNSET HILLS, Missouri-

First thing I want to say is I am sorry this is not a Christmas related story, I tried but could not find anything to work with. I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas.

We’ve all seen the sign: No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service. Let’s be real, we live in a fairly civilized society (at least most of the time…..or at least some of the time) so the shirt and shoe requirement should be pretty much common sense by now. Walking into a restaurant or some other respectable establishment with no shoes is not something I’d ever do and I don’t think anyone else should either. In fact, the thought has never even crossed my mind. Just this last summer I was at a fast food restaurant and there were quite a few teenagers who had come in with no shirt or shoes on, and some missing both. They had been over at the water slides across the street, so it was understandable as to why, but still didn’t seem right.

This sort of incident happened to a lady and her mother in a Burger King in Missouri. In this case a lack of footwear caused the employees of the Burger King to strictly enforce the rule and they asked Jennifer Frederich and her mother to leave the establishment immediately. In the end they ate very fast so they would not be kicked out, but the fact was that they had been asked to leave. This isn’t such a strange story until you get the full details. Both Jennifer and her mother were fully clothed and shoed. The trouble maker in this case was Jennifer’s six-month old daughter, Kaylin.

So I’m going to stick with my original statement that I think people should have shoes and shirts on at all times when in a public restaurant or the like, but when the offender is a six month old, I’m gonna say that is pushing it. I could honestly care less about an infant with no shoes, seriously, who cares?

In the end both Burger King corporate and the franchise owner of the offending BK said the rule was pushed too far and both apologized to the mother for the incident.

The moral of the story: When enforcing rules at your place of work, use common sense too.

© 2009 StrangeRush.com

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WASHINGTON D.C.-

Army Colonel Henry Moak, Jr. loves pound cake. He loves it made from scratch and he loves it in the canned variety. In fact Henry Moak will take pound cake just about any way he can get it. And when it came to his retirement party from the Army, guess what Henry Moak ate? You guessed it, pound cake. But this pound cake was not your ordinary garden variety pound cake, this cake was very special.

Knowing that Henry Moak could have had just about any pound cake in the world, that his little heart desired, he elected to go with his favorite……canned pound cake. For simplicity you wonder? Nah! Colonel Moak went with the canned cake because of nostalgia. This can of cake was very unique and dated back quite a while, 36 years to be exact.

Colonel Moak took possession of the can back in 1973 when he was a helicopter pilot in Vietnam. At the time he vowed to hold on to the uneaten can until the day he retired, and that’s exactly what he did. So on the day of his retirement, Colonel Moak took the can and, hoping it would not explode, cracked it open. And to the disbelief of many party goers, Colonel Moak sniffed it and said, “It smells good,” and followed up with a bite. Jokingly he acted as if he were staggering backward and someone in the crowd muttered, “Eeww, gross!” But Moak professed that the cake was, “Good and still a little moist.”

Either being very generous, or wanting someone else to share in his potential stomach-ache-to-be, he offered some of his cherished cake to anyone who was gutsy enough to try it. And that’s when retired Lieutenant General Paul T. Mikolashek stepped up to the plate and hit a home run by taking an even bigger chunk of the canned cake and said, “Tastes just like it always did.”

A spokesman for the Defense Supply Center in Philadelphia said that the military discourages people from eating overly aged rations because of the risk of mold and deadly botulism if the sealing on the food has been broken, which is not always visible. A 36 year old ration is too old? Awwww come on, it’s not old until at least 40 years have passed.

Over the years Colonel Moak allowed his children to eat some of the rations he had kept, but he always warned them to never touch his precious pound cake.

The moral of the story: My guess is any canned rations over 10 years or so could have some adverse affects on a person’s health. Who knows what sort of metal seepage occurred over a period of 36 years in a ration can produced in the 1970s. Personally, I’d have to pass.

© 2009 StrangeRush.com

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NASHVILLE, Tennessee-

There’s an old saying, “Oh the nerve,” that is commonly used as a form of expression when someone does something so outlandish that others are caught completely off guard and left scratching their heads. People do bold and crazy things all the time, but it’s not everyday we get the chance to see something this narcissistic.

In early 2009, the Rev. Henry J. Lyons, the pastor of New Salem Missionary Baptist Church in Tampa, Florida, thought it was time that he moved up the proverbial, “Baptist Church Food Chain.” Rev. Lyons decided he would run for the Presidency of the National Baptist Convention, USA, Inc., the nation’s oldest and largest African American religious convention, with an estimated 7.5 million members.

But being elected the President of the National Baptist Convention is no easy task. When running for the position, it takes a lot to convince the organization that you are the man for the job. The organization has become very cautious about who they elect because they have been duped before. In fact, one past President had severely abused his power and stolen about $4 million dollars from the organization. He had used the money to buy jewelry, luxury homes, and last but not least, to support his mistress. It had been exactly 10 years since the deception, so the organization was learning, and two quality Presidents had held office since the fiasco.

Needless to say, since they had been deceived and stolen from in the past, it would not be easy for Rev. Lyons to win the election. But he was only running against one other man. All he had to do was beat out the Rev. Julius R. Scruggs, the pastor of First Missionary Baptist Church, in Huntsville, Alabama. Each man was a lead pastor of a reputable Baptist church, so it would seem Lyons had a 50-50 chance of winning.

But in this case it was not even close to 50-50. Rev. Lyons was a huge underdog, along the lines of the 1980 Olympic hockey match when the United States shocked the Russians, known as the Miracle on Ice, or Super Bowl XLII in early 2008, when the New York Giants defeated the heavily favored New England Patriots, who went into the game with a perfect record on the year and a very potent offense.

But Lyons v. Scruggs was not destined to be another great David v. Goliath upset for the ages. Lyons’ resume was comparable to Scruggs’, but Scruggs could have been the acting President of Brigham Young University and still probably easily beat out Lyons for the Presidency. The reason? In 1999 Lyons, himself, was the President of the National Baptist Convention, USA and was the very man who embezzled the $4 million. Now, 10 years later, had the nerve to run again for the Presidency after serving nearly five years in prison for swindling the organization. He preached his repentance and regret for the crime, but come on, Rev., what on Earth would ever possess you to believe that an honorable organization like this would have you as their President again after you screwed them and bought a home for your mistress on their dime?

At the time this occurred I was totally unaware of this great Presidential race, but had I known, I would have surely called my bookie and bet the house on Scruggs. That’s easy money.

And a couple of footnotes: It appears that the Rev. Lyons also ran for the Presidency of the organization’s Florida Chapter in 2007 and lost that bid too (Some people just never learn). In case there is any mystery, the current President of the National Baptist Convention, USA, Inc. is none other than the Rev. Julius R. Scruggs, serving from 2009 to 2014.

The moral of the story: If you steal $4 million dollars from an organization, you have absolutely no chance of ever running their show again. In fact, it’s probably a good idea to never show your face again in their neighborhood, you never know who has mafia connections.

© 2009 StrangeRush.com

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HIGHLAND PARK, Illinois-

Ilana Jackson and Jeremy Fierstien had been anxiously waiting for their big day. They were in love and only two days away from tying the knot and proclaiming their eternal love for each other. But neither of them felt well, both experiencing vomiting, achy limbs, and fever.

With the Swine Flu running wild worldwide, one would think the two would take a step back and reevaluate the situation. Instead the couple went to the doctor, confirmed they each positively had the dreaded Swine Flu, and went on with the wedding.

The bride wore a traditional white wedding gown and the groom a tux, in fact they each looked very weddingly except for the white face masks they each adorned. They had asked doctors and were assured that being affected with the Swine Flu would not pose any serious risk to their guests. But just to be on the safe side the couple kept a 10 foot distance between themselves and each guest and they even walked around everyone instead of the traditional way of walking down the isle.

So my first thought was why take the chance of infecting others when the general population is already so on edge about the Swine Flu? Then I thought maybe they feared the worst and wanted to marry so they could say they were married, in case one or both of them didn’t make it. But then reality set back in and I realized that if either one of them was in mortal danger, doctors would never have allowed the ceremony to take place in the first place and they’d be in the hospital being monitored. So I’m back to my original question…..why not put it off due to severe health reasons? I guess they wanted to make it memorable and I’m sure they did, no one will ever forget the Swine Flu “I Do”.

The moral of the story: If anyone ever asks you to attend a Swing Flu marriage, you’re better off watching it from across the street.

© 2009 StrangeRush.com

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BUFFALO, N.Y.-

Initially you’re going to be shaking your head and asking yourself, “Why?” Why would he do something like that, it makes no sense at all. That’s exactly what I thought too. But the good news is I looked into it and his reasoning makes total sense to me now, which I will explain at the end.

First, this is what happened: A 20 year old NHL (National Hockey League) player and his 21 year old cousin were in Buffalo, NY where they caught a cab at about 4am from a downtown nightclub area. At the conclusion of the ride the bill was $13.80 and they gave the driver $15. All he had was $1 to return, still owing 20 cents to the NHL player. Wanting the rest of the money back, the player and his cousin proceeded to assault the elderly cab driver by choking and punching him, leaving him with cuts  and bruises on his face, and damaged glasses.  As the cab driver said, “They went berserk.” Both young men were arrested and charged with misdemeanor and felony counts.

So here’s the deal. Like I said earlier, I know you are saying to yourself, “What the hell was he thinking?” I agree that it’s never okay to attack someone unprovoked, but I really believe there was a logical reason this horrible incident occurred, and as promised, this is what I found out.

This young NHL player only made $875,000 during the 2009 season. He’s not even a millionaire like most of his teammates and that’s less than half the average salary of his teammates. As we all know, times are tough and it’s a rough economy. He’s probably having a really hard time living on his meager salary, again, totally understandable. Ya gotta try and save every penny, no matter what it takes. Next time though, maybe he could say something like this, “Hey Mr. Taxi driver, thanks a lot for the ride and all the hard work, you really keep this city moving. You know, 20 cents is a lot of money, man, I really need it. Anyway, could you please check again and see if you have it in your pocket somewhere? Oh, and I’m really sorry I can’t tip you tonight, but you know how things are.”

The moral of the story: It’s never okay to beat someone up, however, when you only make $875K a year it’s totally understandable how it could happen.

© 2009 StrangeRush.com

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