SALISBURY, Massachusetts-

It had been 12 long years since 55 year old William Thomson of Everett, Massachusetts had had his run-in with the Salisbury Police Department, and he just couldn’t let it go. Back in 1997 Thompson had created such a disturbance with the Salisbury Police that he felt he needed to apologize for his atrocious actions. Records of his 1997 arrest showed he was charged by the Salisbury Police with disorderly conduct, resisting arrest, and malicious destruction of property over $250. He had spent five days in jail for his crimes.

Given the extended duration of time that had passed since the occurrence it seems a little odd that Mr. Thomson would feel such a strong need to apologize, after all, would anyone at the police department even remember the incident? But as the saying goes, “A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.” So I have to give the guy credit for admitting he was wrong and standing up and being a man. In an attempt to show his sincere remorse for what happened in 1997, Mr. Thomson walked into the Salisbury Police station with three large cups of coffee and told a dispatcher he wanted to apologize for what happened 12 years before. I would imagine the reaction he got was something along the lines of let bygones be bygones. I mean shoot, how often do former criminals walk into a police station after 12 years and profess their sincere sorrow?

Following Mr. Thomson’s emotional and long overdue reunion, the excitement for the Salisbury police was not quite over. Just after 1am the next morning, a Salisbury police officer pulled up on a vehicle on the side of the road that had its engine still running. The officer initially thought the vehicle was empty, but upon further inspection noted a man slumped over on to the passenger seat, passed out. In an attempt to wake him the officer yelled at him repeatedly then eventually began shaking his left arm. After about five seconds the man awoke and yelled at the officer, “Hey, what are you doing?” The officer grabbed a beer can that was in the driver’s possession and grabbed a second can that was in the car. At some point the man exited the vehicle. The officer said the man smelled of alcohol and his speech was slurred. When asked where he was, the man stated he was at Revere Beach (which is about 35 miles south of Salisbury).

The man then began to scream at the officer that he was in the Marine Corps and a former jail guard and demanded to know why the officer was doing this to him. The man attempted to get back in his car and that was when the officer pinned him to the door. The man fought back and took a wild swing at the officer, but was eventually placed under arrest and put into a police cruiser. Upon searching the car police found an excess of both full and empty beer cans.

When police got him to the jail and started the booking process he became even more hostile and screamed and yelled nonstop at officers. According to the report on the incident, the man threatened one officer by saying he had friends in the Irish mob who would find out where the officer lived and take care of him. He also said his friends would break officer’s knees if he was lucky, and he said he was in the Marine Corps combat fighting school and was a brown belt. He rambled on about how he served the country and wanted to know what branch the officer served in, the Salvation Army?

Eventually, when they got to the Breathalyzer test, officers uncuffed him and he proceeded to lunge at the Breathalyzer machine and punched it full force. That was when officers placed him in an arm bar and roughly escorted him into a holding cell. At that point he did his best to flood the cell with the toilet and sink water and all water to the cell had to be shut off.

With these two separate storied that the Salisbury Police had to deal with, within a 24 hour period, you have two very different endings. On the one hand you have a very heart warming and repentant story of a man who knew he had screwed up many years before, and just wanted to make it right. On the other hand you have a crazy drunk guy acting very much like the man in the first story had 12 years before.

And for the record, these are not two separate stories tied together simply by the Salisbury Police Department. This is one ongoing story. The drunk guy pulled out of the car at 1am, who created the huge scene, was again, Mr. William Thomson of Everett, Massachusetts.

The moral of the story: In 2021 when William Thomson shows up at the Salisbury Police Department with six cups of coffee, they might as well just lock him up right then.

© 2009 StrangeRush.com

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DALLAS, Texas-

I never did watch the show ER, but I know it was one of the most popular TV shows going for 15 straight years. I’d imagine its appeal came from a combination of the humor, romance, and drama interlaced with chaos, the educational value, and a dash of good acting. Okay, I know it had more than a dash, I saw a few episodes over the years and I know the acting was solid and it gave a few of today’s most well known actors and actresses their start. But how accurate was its depiction of a real ER? Honestly, I have no idea, but I’d imagine that a show that popular and long running had to have quite a bit of reality weaved into its numerous plot lines. Given that it was set in Chicago, all the more reason to believe the constant chaos was somewhat based in reality.

Speaking of a real ER, luckily I have only had the pleasure of visiting one once in the last 10 or so years. It was moderately busy when we went, but we were in and out in an hour with a nice patch of Dermabond on my son’s forehead. Where was Dermabond when I was between the ages of 5 and 12? I know my parents would have loved for that stuff to have been medically available 30 years ago. For those of you who are not familiar with Dermabond it’s basically super glue for skin, used instead of stitches (and believe me it works well). My son had run into a wall and cracked open his melon and the doctor just glued him up, and took all of two minutes to do so. Overall, that ER visit was fairly easy and uneventful, two minutes with the doctor, an hour at the ER overall, and we were on the road again with a 4-year-old and a gauze patch on his forehead. It wasn’t until a few weeks later that we received the ER bill for nearly $1,000. What the hell is insurance for anyway? But horrific insurance stories are for other posts. I’m sure I can find some great insurance stories to write about in the future.

Okay, Okay, I know, get to the point already. You want to know what this post is about, right? Yes, it is about an ER, I promise I would never lead you astray.

So what about an ER in Dallas? Could it too be as chaotic as the fictional ER in Chicago? It’s a big enough city, so I’d imagine it could be similar. So when Amber Joy Milbrodt fractured a bone in her right leg while playing volleyball she went to the Parkland Memorial Hospital ER in Dallas, Texas. Milbrodt arrived at the ER and checked in and saw a triage nurse. She was then asked to wait in the waiting room and that is exactly what she did. Then she waited some more, and some more, and waited, and waited, and waited. 19 hours in all until she eventually left without ever being seen by a doctor or anyone else.

After the 19 hour eternal wait for nothing, Milbrodt elected to go home and rest her leg in the hopes that it would begin to heal on its own, and luckily for her, that is exactly what it did. Then a couple of weeks later, the young volleyball player received a letter from the hospital. And as it turns out, it wasn’t a letter at all, but a bill for $162.

Shocked at the outrageous outcome of her brief (and unfulfilling) visit to the ER, Milbrodt contacted the Dallas Morning News and told them her frustrating story. Doing good investigative work and trying to get the whole picture, the news contacted the hospital for its side of the story. According to the hospital’s vice president in charge of billing, Ms. Milbrodt was not charged for waiting (Oh, thank God!!) she was charged for the couple of minutes it took the triage nurse to assess her and check her in. Well, now it all makes sense, Mr. Vice President in Charge of Billing. I’m thinking you’d have done a lot better and made more sense by going on record and saying, “No comment.”

The Moral of the story: Yes, our nation’s hospitals are far from perfect and some are just plain %@$#&! up.

© 2009 StrangeRush.com

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NASHVILLE, Tennessee-

There’s an old saying, “Oh the nerve,” that is commonly used as a form of expression when someone does something so outlandish that others are caught completely off guard and left scratching their heads. People do bold and crazy things all the time, but it’s not everyday we get the chance to see something this narcissistic.

In early 2009, the Rev. Henry J. Lyons, the pastor of New Salem Missionary Baptist Church in Tampa, Florida, thought it was time that he moved up the proverbial, “Baptist Church Food Chain.” Rev. Lyons decided he would run for the Presidency of the National Baptist Convention, USA, Inc., the nation’s oldest and largest African American religious convention, with an estimated 7.5 million members.

But being elected the President of the National Baptist Convention is no easy task. When running for the position, it takes a lot to convince the organization that you are the man for the job. The organization has become very cautious about who they elect because they have been duped before. In fact, one past President had severely abused his power and stolen about $4 million dollars from the organization. He had used the money to buy jewelry, luxury homes, and last but not least, to support his mistress. It had been exactly 10 years since the deception, so the organization was learning, and two quality Presidents had held office since the fiasco.

Needless to say, since they had been deceived and stolen from in the past, it would not be easy for Rev. Lyons to win the election. But he was only running against one other man. All he had to do was beat out the Rev. Julius R. Scruggs, the pastor of First Missionary Baptist Church, in Huntsville, Alabama. Each man was a lead pastor of a reputable Baptist church, so it would seem Lyons had a 50-50 chance of winning.

But in this case it was not even close to 50-50. Rev. Lyons was a huge underdog, along the lines of the 1980 Olympic hockey match when the United States shocked the Russians, known as the Miracle on Ice, or Super Bowl XLII in early 2008, when the New York Giants defeated the heavily favored New England Patriots, who went into the game with a perfect record on the year and a very potent offense.

But Lyons v. Scruggs was not destined to be another great David v. Goliath upset for the ages. Lyons’ resume was comparable to Scruggs’, but Scruggs could have been the acting President of Brigham Young University and still probably easily beat out Lyons for the Presidency. The reason? In 1999 Lyons, himself, was the President of the National Baptist Convention, USA and was the very man who embezzled the $4 million. Now, 10 years later, had the nerve to run again for the Presidency after serving nearly five years in prison for swindling the organization. He preached his repentance and regret for the crime, but come on, Rev., what on Earth would ever possess you to believe that an honorable organization like this would have you as their President again after you screwed them and bought a home for your mistress on their dime?

At the time this occurred I was totally unaware of this great Presidential race, but had I known, I would have surely called my bookie and bet the house on Scruggs. That’s easy money.

And a couple of footnotes: It appears that the Rev. Lyons also ran for the Presidency of the organization’s Florida Chapter in 2007 and lost that bid too (Some people just never learn). In case there is any mystery, the current President of the National Baptist Convention, USA, Inc. is none other than the Rev. Julius R. Scruggs, serving from 2009 to 2014.

The moral of the story: If you steal $4 million dollars from an organization, you have absolutely no chance of ever running their show again. In fact, it’s probably a good idea to never show your face again in their neighborhood, you never know who has mafia connections.

© 2009 StrangeRush.com

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CHICAGO, Illinois-

At some point in every man’s life he has had dreams and aspirations of becoming a police officer. It’s totally natural. Policeman, fireman, astronaut, professional football player, they’re all part of the natural male cycle of life.

When I first heard about this story I found it to be so utterly crazy and unbelievable that I wanted to save it for as long as I could, but the mood to write it just struck me and my hope is that I can do this wonderfully strange story the justice it’s due. So let’s see what I can make of it.

According to Wikipedia, the Chicago Police Department (CPD) has 13,400 sworn officers and is the second largest police force in the entire United States, right after the NYPD. So it is only obvious that with that many officers protecting 237 square miles, the reach of influence of one particular officer is only a couple hundred other officers at most, but more likely 50 or so. Most officers would only know an extremely small portion of the other officers in such a large city. So on a daily basis any given officer could come into contact and potentially work side-by-side with other officers they have never met before.

This is exactly what happened to seven of the Chicago Police Department’s finest. They each had significant contact with a new officer that none of them had ever met. In fact, they had never met him because he wasn’t even a police officer at all, just a guy impersonating one. According to the CPD this is not an altogether too uncommon occurrence. In 2007 there were 20 cases of impersonating an officer, 24 in 2008, and early in 2009 when this story actually happened, only eight.

As the story goes a gentleman entered the South Side Station at 1:30pm through an unlocked door at the rear of the building. He was in uniform and was issued a radio. He then proceeded to ride in a police car, side by side with another ‘real’ officer. During the afternoon the fake officer used the police terminal in the patrol car and participated in five calls, including assisting another officer in handcuffing a suspect. He also drove the police cruiser for two hours during the day.

At 7:37pm, six hours and seven minutes after he illegally entered the police station, he returned at the end of his fake shift. It was then, FINALLY, a supervisor discovered he was not wearing a complete uniform, which included the lack of a firearm. Isn’t a gun required to patrol the streets of any city large or small? How could he have gone unnoticed for six hours without a gun? He was then arrested at 7:40pm for impersonating a peace officer.

At this point you should be shaking your head and wondering how this sort of thing could happen, being dragged out for 6 hours unnoticed? Talk about egg on the CPD’s face, so to speak. Well, I’m not quite done yet. There is one more part that is so unreal, that it trumps the rest of the story.

When these competent police officers arrested the gentleman and went to ID him they discovered he wasn’t even a young man, but merely a 14 year old boy who aspired to be a police officer. Isn’t being observant one of the key traits of being a police officer? Looks like to me quite a few of Chicago’s Finest need to retake their observance class.

Oops!

The moral of the story: If the officer sitting next to you in the patrol car looks like your 8^th grade son’s best friend, odds are he’s cutting history class and his girlfriend is mad because he hasn’t texted her for at least 10 minutes.

© 2009 StrangeRush.com

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HARRISBURG, Pennsylvania-

Despite already having collected numerous ‘dumb criminal’ stories that I have yet to write about, I still feel myself shying away from them. It seems as though there are about five different types of dumb criminal stories, with slight variations making each of them semi-unique. And haven’t we already heard about all the dumb criminals in the world through traditional media? This particular story, however, I found to be totally unique and the stupidity of this dumb criminal seems unprecedented.

Fifty-six year old John Comparetto had some business to take care of so naturally he went to the restroom and did his thing. As he was exiting the stall an unknown man approached him and pointed a 40-caliber handgun three inches away from his face and demanded money. Not wanting to die, Comparetto complied and handed over his money and the thief took off. So far so good? This is where it gets really interesting.

This idiotic criminal, 19 year old Jerome Blanchett, had no idea who he was messing with. Comparetto was a retired NYPD lieutenant with 26 years of service. Okay, mugging a 56 year-old retired, plain clothed, NYPD lieutenant does not make you a dumb criminal does it? Heck, it could happen to anyone.

The restroom Comparetto was in was in a convention center in Pennsylvania and while entering the convention center the brilliant Mr. Blanchett walked by a BIG poster that read, ‘WELCOME NARCOTICS OFFICERS.’ Comparetto was a guest speaker at a Police Officers Convention, and in the next room there were 300 narcotics officers from Pennsylvania and Ohio. Mr. Brilliant was immediately arrested as he tried to escape in a taxi. Comparetto said there were 10 officers there to assist him within a split-second.

To put the icing on the cake, when Mr. Brilliant was arraigned a reporter asked him for a comment as he was led out of court, his response, “I’m smooth.” Hey jackass, you’re not smooth, you’re an idiot.

The moral of the story: When attempting to rob someone, if there is a big poster that reads ‘WELCOME NARCOTICS OFFICERS’ it may be best to come back another day.

© 2009 StrangeRush.com

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NYC, New York-

I feel a trend beginning here. I just have this feeling that New York is going to be the capital of StrangeRush.com. I could be wrong, but NY sure does seem to come up a lot in my screenings of all the various stories I have yet to write about.

Anyway, we out in the western part of the country really have no idea how effective the meter readers and traffic enforcement officers are in New York City. Take for example this minivan parked below the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway underpass. It was parked and left there for weeks……and for weeks the meter maids and police ticketed the van, really shoving it to the owner once he/she decided to return for their abandoned vehicle. Imagine the amazing revenue the city would collect after numerous tickets over a month’s period of time.

What happened was for four consecutive Mondays, a whole month, the van was ticketed. Finally, it was ordered that the van be towed, and with that tow job the body of George Morales was discovered decomposing, in plain sight, in the back of the van. The body was not covered with a blanket and not hard to see at all. Woo-hoo……high five for the NYC police, way to be on the ball. To top it off it was reported that the window was cracked and the odor was overwhelming. Each ticketer must have had some serious allergies causing their sniffers to not function properly.

The moral of the story: Be observant like they teach you to be in the police academy, you never know what you may discover.

© 2009 StrangeRush.com

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BUFFALO, N.Y.-

Initially you’re going to be shaking your head and asking yourself, “Why?” Why would he do something like that, it makes no sense at all. That’s exactly what I thought too. But the good news is I looked into it and his reasoning makes total sense to me now, which I will explain at the end.

First, this is what happened: A 20 year old NHL (National Hockey League) player and his 21 year old cousin were in Buffalo, NY where they caught a cab at about 4am from a downtown nightclub area. At the conclusion of the ride the bill was $13.80 and they gave the driver $15. All he had was $1 to return, still owing 20 cents to the NHL player. Wanting the rest of the money back, the player and his cousin proceeded to assault the elderly cab driver by choking and punching him, leaving him with cuts  and bruises on his face, and damaged glasses.  As the cab driver said, “They went berserk.” Both young men were arrested and charged with misdemeanor and felony counts.

So here’s the deal. Like I said earlier, I know you are saying to yourself, “What the hell was he thinking?” I agree that it’s never okay to attack someone unprovoked, but I really believe there was a logical reason this horrible incident occurred, and as promised, this is what I found out.

This young NHL player only made $875,000 during the 2009 season. He’s not even a millionaire like most of his teammates and that’s less than half the average salary of his teammates. As we all know, times are tough and it’s a rough economy. He’s probably having a really hard time living on his meager salary, again, totally understandable. Ya gotta try and save every penny, no matter what it takes. Next time though, maybe he could say something like this, “Hey Mr. Taxi driver, thanks a lot for the ride and all the hard work, you really keep this city moving. You know, 20 cents is a lot of money, man, I really need it. Anyway, could you please check again and see if you have it in your pocket somewhere? Oh, and I’m really sorry I can’t tip you tonight, but you know how things are.”

The moral of the story: It’s never okay to beat someone up, however, when you only make $875K a year it’s totally understandable how it could happen.

© 2009 StrangeRush.com

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KNOXVILLE, Tennessee—

The door knocks. The tired, middle aged man opens it and sees a pretty young woman standing in front of him. She pauses for a moment and a tear begins to drip down her cheek. There is an awkward silence as the two stare at each other. He wants to know what the hell she wants and she cannot believe this is actually happening. She never thought this day would come and she is absolutely overjoyed.

“Can I help you?” The man impatiently asks.

She stares for a moment longer, trying to to choke back the lump in her parched throat. Finally, she manages to mutter, in an almost inaudible tone, “You’re my father.”

He can barely hear what she says, but he heard enough to make it out and he nearly swallows his tongue when it finally computes.

Surely, a scenario similar to this occurs countless times each year after a young lady or man figures out who their biological father really is and finds the guts and means to go see him face to face for the first time. And for the father, in most cases, it is a complete and utter shock, while in other cases he may have known and expected this day would eventually come.

Someday this sort of incident is bound to happen to 29 year-old Desmond Hatchett, over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. If Desmond is lucky it may only happen to him 9 or 10 times.

The reason for this is this hard working, minimum wage worker, from Knoxville, Tennessee has had the pleasure of fathering 21 different children with 11 different women, ages newborn to 11 years old. I’m going to pause for a moment and predict your next statement, “What the #&@* ?” Yeah, that’s what I said too.

But there is GOOD news: After #21, Desmond went on record and said, “I’m done. I’ll say I’m done.” So sorry Knoxville ladies, Desmond is officially retired, (But Bret Favre, Roger Clemens, and Michael Jordan all retired too). At at least for now you’re gonna have to do without that $2 dollar a week payout in child support Desmond could have kicked you. Funny thing is the only reason Desmond’s numerous extracurricular activities were discovered was because Tennessee authorities took him to court for not paying his child support dues in the first place.

But I do have to give him some credit, he claims he knows the names and ages of all his children. I bet Desmond’s IQ is off the charts.

The moral of the story: If it’s gonna rain, you better wear a raincoat.

© 2009 StrangeRush.com

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WATERBURY, Vermont-

Everyone has heard of the watchdog group PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals). I like PETA and what it stands for as much as the next guy. But have you PETA people lost your %#$*&*# minds? PETA believes it is cruel for human beings to milk cows and that a cow’s milk is naturally hazardous to humans (and both points may have some validity). BUT, PETA came up with a solution that they wrote up and sent to major ice cream maker Ben and Jerry’s. They proposed their idea had two benefits: First, it would reduce the suffering of cows and second, would provide consumers with a healthier alternative to cow’s milk ice cream.

Any guesses on where this is going?

Their idea was to substitute human mother’s milk in the ice cream. “If Ben and Jerry’s replaced the cow’s milk in its ice cream with breast milk, your customers — and cows — would reap the benefits,” wrote Tracy Reiman, executive vice president of PETA.

Hello, Tracy, anyone home? I guess if you think about it at a fundamental level drinking cow’s milk is sort of gross. It’s a liquid coming from an arguably dirty animal. I’ll do it once in a blue moon with a couple of cookies, but having a glass of milk is not my first or even tenth choice of beverage, I’d rather leave it for Santa Clause. But I have no issue with cow’s milk in ice cream. However, substituting human mother’s milk in ice cream is just plain disgusting. Is there ANY PETA person out there, even just one, who can honestly say they would eat ice cream made with mother’s breast milk? How about you, Tracy…..are you game for a  bowl of Luscious Lemon Lactate?

Thank you Ben and Jerry for vetoing this ridiculous idea, as if you ever even gave it a second of consideration. I’d loved to have been a fly on the wall to hear the laughter when the CEO of Ben and Jerry’s opened that urgent letter. But let’s pretend for a moment they went for it. Mr. and Mrs. PETA, how long do you suppose Ben and Jerry would remain in business?

The moral of the story: Thank God Ben and Jerry’s shot down this insane idea, but the next time you take the family out to an ice cream parlor, be sure to look in the back room for women holding breast pumps, it’s better to be safe than sorry.

© 2009 StrangeRush.com

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Jordan -

This is for all you hopeless romantics out there. Like so many other millions of people worldwide a Jordanian couple, Adnan and Jamila met on the internet and fell madly in love. Using the amazing internet as a vehicle of love, their relationship sizzled as the two young lovers shared dreams, goals, hobbies, values, and made wedding plans for the future. What better love could there possibly be? They had each found their soulmate.

There was only one small problem…..both of the lovers were already married, Adnan to Sanaa and Jamila to Bakr. They were each in a seven month break from their respective spouses, giving them both the time to find their perfect love on the internet, each other. Determined to be together Adnan and Jamila plotted escapes from each of their unhappy marriages, knowing they would be together forever.

So far so good? Well sure, but you know there’s a catch. And the catch occurred on the day they could no longer take it and had to meet in person. They agreed to meet at a bus depot and further plan their wedding. But there would be no wedding necessary, not for these two. They were already married, Adnan was Bakr and Jamila was Sanaa. So much for living happily ever after.

The moral of the story: When you meet someone on the internet and decide you are in love, it’s a wise idea to ask for a picture before you plan the wedding.

© 2009 StrangeRush.com

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