MARATHON, Florida-

When it comes to screw ups with the kids, it always seems to be either mom or dad. How often does it turn out grandma is the one who screwed up? In this case, granny must have been on drugs or something because what she did was absolutely inexcusable, and to put it proper terms, just plain unbelievable. So crazy, in fact, I am struggling to put it into words.

Basically, the story goes something like this: Grandma was watching her 3-year-old granddaughter and had taken her to the grocery store. Later police were called to the Publix grocery store because of an odd 911 report. Evidently, grandma thought it would be okay for her to show the little one some fun, so she put the child on the roof of her car and drove around the parking lot. When police arrived and arrested the idiot she said she didn’t think her little granddaughter was having enough fun and that she needed some fresh air. I can only imagine the look on the police officer’s face when that was her rational. After the incident the idiot went on record and said she would never let anything hurt her granddaughter and that she said she was driving at “snail-speed” while holding the child’s leg. Well, that makes it all okay now, doesn’t it?

Fifteen hours after the event, granny was released from jail. I highly doubt she will be watching the little angel anytime before her 35^th birthday. Do people just have temporary lapses in judgment or are they just plain stupid? This is not the sort of thing you lapse in judgment, so I’m gonna have to say in this case she’s just stupid.

The moral of the story: This is such a ridiculous story, there is no moral.

© 2009 StrangeRush.com

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GAYLESVILLE, Alabama-

“Johnny, Please get up of the ground right now, we have to leave.”

“No!!!” Followed by a wag of the tongue.

“Damn it, Johnny, get your ass up this moment or I’m going to drag you outta here.”

No comment, just another tongue wag.

This is not what really happened in this case, just me speculating on possible proceedings. There is a really good chance you heard about this story when the media wrote about it back in August. But if not, be prepared to be a little shocked.

She probably didn’t think much of it at the time, it was a simple reaction and a quick remedy to an immediate and embarrassing problem. We’ve all been there, feeling the immense frustration that every parent feels on a weekly and sometimes daily basis. But Melissa Catherine Smith-Means of Gaylesville, Alabama must have missed the class on dealing with whatever situation her offspring threw at her on that fateful day. All she accomplished was to further embarrass herself at a national level.

Smith-Means was in a Verizon Wireless store when something set her off in regards to her child, and she was caught on video pulling the youngin around the store by a leash, as he lay sprawled out on the floor. The incident brought her very negative national attention and even an arrest for child cruelty charges. Something I’m sure she was not expecting when the whole spontaneous incident happened.

I know how she must have felt. Believe me, I’ve been there myself and I’m sure every parent can sympathize with the frustration, but pulling a kid around by a leash while he lays on the floor? That really crosses the line. Who knows, maybe it was an activity they harmlessly participated in at home (but I seriously doubt it). Personally, I don’t know Melissa Catherine Smith-Means, nor have I heard her interviewed to get her side of the story. She may be a horrible mother or a great mother who just let herself suffer from a momentary lack of judgment. I will not pass judgment on her, except to say what she did was a very bad move.

The Moral of the story: In the era of high tech cell phones and video recorders everywhere, it’s a good idea to really watch what you do, otherwise the very common and ordinary person can find themselves all over the media for all the wrong reasons.

© 2009 StrangeRush.com

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KNOXVILLE, Tennessee—

The door knocks. The tired, middle aged man opens it and sees a pretty young woman standing in front of him. She pauses for a moment and a tear begins to drip down her cheek. There is an awkward silence as the two stare at each other. He wants to know what the hell she wants and she cannot believe this is actually happening. She never thought this day would come and she is absolutely overjoyed.

“Can I help you?” The man impatiently asks.

She stares for a moment longer, trying to to choke back the lump in her parched throat. Finally, she manages to mutter, in an almost inaudible tone, “You’re my father.”

He can barely hear what she says, but he heard enough to make it out and he nearly swallows his tongue when it finally computes.

Surely, a scenario similar to this occurs countless times each year after a young lady or man figures out who their biological father really is and finds the guts and means to go see him face to face for the first time. And for the father, in most cases, it is a complete and utter shock, while in other cases he may have known and expected this day would eventually come.

Someday this sort of incident is bound to happen to 29 year-old Desmond Hatchett, over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. If Desmond is lucky it may only happen to him 9 or 10 times.

The reason for this is this hard working, minimum wage worker, from Knoxville, Tennessee has had the pleasure of fathering 21 different children with 11 different women, ages newborn to 11 years old. I’m going to pause for a moment and predict your next statement, “What the #&@* ?” Yeah, that’s what I said too.

But there is GOOD news: After #21, Desmond went on record and said, “I’m done. I’ll say I’m done.” So sorry Knoxville ladies, Desmond is officially retired, (But Bret Favre, Roger Clemens, and Michael Jordan all retired too). At at least for now you’re gonna have to do without that $2 dollar a week payout in child support Desmond could have kicked you. Funny thing is the only reason Desmond’s numerous extracurricular activities were discovered was because Tennessee authorities took him to court for not paying his child support dues in the first place.

But I do have to give him some credit, he claims he knows the names and ages of all his children. I bet Desmond’s IQ is off the charts.

The moral of the story: If it’s gonna rain, you better wear a raincoat.

© 2009 StrangeRush.com

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WHITE PLAINS, N.Y. -

When I was a kid in the 1980′s my family took semi-frequent vacations and road trips. I can still hear my Dad yelling at me and my sister from the driver’s seat, “If you two don’t stop arguing I’m gonna turn this car around and we’ll go home.”

“No Daddy, please don’t, we’ll stop,” My gullible little sister would desperately plead. I guess it never occurred to her that we were in the middle of BFE, 200 miles from home, 175 miles from Disneyland, already $300 deep into the vacation, and Dad took a week off work. Nothing short of a Category 5 hurricane ripping through Central California in mid-February was gonna turn us around. Nevertheless, his empty scheme worked……..at least until we were 220 miles from home.

Fast forward 20-something years……and there’s a new threat commonly making the rounds. Something that was too severe and drastic for the 1980′s. “If you two kids don’t stop fighting I’m gonna stop this car and make you both get out and I’ll leave you here.” Had my Dad ever pulled a line of crap like that on me I would have laughed in his face.

My Dad’s intense, but he’s no lawyer from Manhattan. That’s where this mommy of the year award nominee comes into the picture. She proposed that very commonly used, modern threat on her 10 and 12 year old daughters, then did exactly what she said and left them on the side of the road, inhaling her exhaust fumes as she sped off. They were dropped in a busy area of office buildings and shops in White Plains, NY, three miles from their home, where any perv could have grabbed them and they’d have been gone forever. At least mom could have flipped them a buck or two for bus fair and a popsicle in case it got hot.

Eventually, the 12 year old was able to find her mother, but the very upset 10 year old became separated from her big sis and was later picked up on the side of the road by drivers passing by, where she was promptly turned over to the police. When mommy eventually got home, and found a two minute opening in her busy attorney schedule, she had the nerve to call police and report her youngest missing.

Thank God she was arrested when she went to the police station to claim her daughter.

The moral of the story: If you don’t want to your children to have SERIOUS abandonment issues as adults, by GOD don’t leave them on the side of the road to fend for themselves. It’s a SICK world!!!

(This post is dedicated to my Dad. Love you, Dad. Thanks for all the great trips:)

© 2009 StrangeRush.com

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DENTON, Texas -

This one really leaves you scratching your head. When a young lady reported to her job at the local Pizza Patron on a Friday night, she had no idea that the shift would probably be the scariest moments of her life. How many people can actually say they have been robbed while at work? Three disguised assailants came into the Pizza Patron. While the robbery was in progress another Pizza Patron worker made a bold move and struck one of the robbers, knocking him out, and knocking off his wig and sunglasses.

It was at that point that the first young Pizza Patron worker realized it was her father behind the disguise and the other two brilliant bad guys were none other than her mother and husband. The three genius assailants were able to escape, but were all apprehended within 14 minutes of the robbery.

It was later determined that Pizza Patron worker had no idea what her loving family was up to. She was just the lucky one who was born and raised into such a winning family, then decided to marry equally well.

The Moral of the story: You know you’re white trash when you rob your own wife/daughter’s work place.

© 2009 StrangeRush.com

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WICOMICO CHURCH, Virginia -

You gotta give this little guy credit for trying. He seemed to be trying to do the right thing. With his mother asleep at 7:40am, and this little six year old having just missed his school bus, he figured he’d take matters into his own hands and get himself to school, in his family’s 2005 Ford Taurus.

He gave it a valiant effort, but didn’t quite make it. He ran off the road several times before putting the car into an embankment and utility pole. He was not wearing seat belt, but luckily only sustained minor injuries.

The moral of the story: When your child is only six years old, get your lazy *%# out of bed and walk him to the bus stop.

© 2009 StrangeRush.com

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Nevada-

Some people just need to have their reproductive organs removed. Take for example this winning duo residing somewhere in the sunny Nevada desert. Michael Straw was unemployed, but had come into a $50,000 inheritance which he and his wife Iana Straw were living off of. Michael used part of his newly found riches to buy computer equipment and a large Plasma TV so they could thoroughly feed their addiction to video games.

The problem with this story is that Michael and Iana were not the only two people living in their home. They had a 22 month old son and 11 month old daughter. The elder Straws became so obsessed with video games, particularly the classic Dungeons and Dragons, that they completely neglected their precious little tykes, and nearly killed them both. The Straws were unable to tear themselves away from the dungeons nor stop slaying the dragons long enough to feed or bath their little ones.

According to reports the home was a complete mess and one of the children would not stop crying. The young lad was treated for starvation and a genital infection. He had such a lack of muscle development that he had difficulty walking. His little sister suffered from a mouth infection, very dry skin, and severe dehydration. She had to have her head shaved because her hair was completely saturated with cat urine.

I feel comfortable in unanimously electing this tag-team duo the obvious winners of the Deadbeat Championship Belt. Let’s all pray that no one ever introduces them to Super Mario Brothers.

The moral of the story: Some 1980′s games just never go out of style.

© 2009 StrangeRush.com

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