CINCINNATI, Ohio-

There was never any doubt that this story would leak out. It’s the stupid robber story of Mike Leake. When it comes to stupidity, this one’s definitely at the top of the list. Robbers do stupid things all the time, but this is stupid for a whole new reason. But before we get into all that, let me tell you a little more about Mike Leake and what exactly he did.

Mike Leake was in a Macy’s in Cincinnati where security cameras caught him in the act of removing security tags from six different American Rag T-shirts, then leaving the store without paying for them. The total value of the shirts Mr. Leake stole? About $60. Hey, 60 bucks is 60 bucks, and in a very tough economy, it’s a lot of money to a lot of people (myself included). Today, $60 will only fill up a small to midsized car with gas, where not too many years ago it would have nearly filled up any gas guzzling truck or SUV.

I will never justify theft in any way, but knowing how far 60 buckaroos can (or can’t) go these days, could we at least say we somewhat understand what was going through Mike Leake’s head when he decided to steal those t-shirts? In a tough economy we have to agree that every dollar counts. But first let’s talk a little more about Mike Leake. Times are tough out there, but Mike’s very lucky to say he even has a job, where millions of Americans don’t. But if you look at Mike’s job, and see what he makes a year compared to the hundreds of other people who do the same job, Mike makes just barely over minimum wage. He’s in the very bottom percentile of income, compared to his co-workers. Again, not justifying theft in any way, shape, or form…….but one should at least be able to understand a little bit of the desperation Mike was feeling.

Mike went on record and apologized for the distraction to the company he works for and also promised that his “story will be told” in the justice system. What’s he gonna say, the cameras caught him tearing off the security tags to see how well the tags are secured to the shirts? Or maybe he was actually checking the security cameras for accuracy? Either way, how’s his “story” going to explain him walking out the door without paying for the shirts? I’m sure there’s a very logical explanation and boy-o-boy, Mike, we sure can’t wait to hear it.

So what exactly does Mike Leake do for a living to make just over minimum wage? Well, back in 2009, Mike was the eight overall draft pick for the Cincinnati Reds in the Major League Baseball Draft, and today he’s a starting pitcher for the Reds. He makes just barely over the $414,000 annual minimum wage for MLB players. Mike’s 2011 salary? A cool $425,000. Removing the tags and stealing the shirts is not strange or unusual in any way, criminals do it thousands of times a day in America. But being that Mike Leake makes ten times what the average US citizen makes, that’s where this gets weird. The only thing that could have made this story more weird is if one of those $10-20 million a year guys was the one trying to steal $60 in shirts.

The moral of the story: If you’re going to steal from a major retailer for exactly .014% of your annual income, you better not get caught.

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