Archive for December 2009
DENVER, Colorado-
I guess the Colorado DMV has no sense of humor, and I can understand why. In a day and age when everything is about being politically correct and everyone is terrified that they may offend the person next to them, the Colorado DMV decided it wasn’t going to take any chances.
That stuffy outlook on life didn’t help Kelly Coffman-Lee at all. Kelly & Co. believed their favorite family food was so healthy that they wanted to share their insider knowledge and promote it everywhere they went. But the DMV didn’t like her idea. Honestly, I can see the debate from both sides. The DMV, fearful of being inappropriate and a possible lawsuit, decided Kelly’s idea for a personalized license plate had no place in their state, and Kelly just wanted to tell the world how much she and her family loved Tofu. What better way than to have a license plate on your car that reads, “ILVTOFU”?
The DMV’s cited their resistance to the personalized plate was that it could be misinterpreted, and I can totally agree with that assumption. No one really knows what percentage of the population would misinterpret it if it were actually on a car, but my guess is a very high percentage. I may get the true intended meaning of the license plate, but I’ll admit the misunderstood meaning would definitely be my first interpretation. I would also guess that the majority of men would initially misunderstand it, and the majority of women would not (It’s a guy thing:). I can also comfortably say that if Kelly actually was able to have the “ILVTOFU” plate, at times she would have a train of men following her car around town, it would be like a mobile Craigslist ad that’s all subject and no substance.
The moral of the story: Sorry guys, if you see a car driving around any state with the license plate “ILVTOFU,” get your head outta the gutter, it’s not what you think, and the driver probably won’t flash you either.
© 2009 StrangeRush.com
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This is the eight installment of a StrangeRush mini.
A Small AD-dition-
LINCOLN, Nebraska- An advertising salesperson for a newspaper made more money based on the size of each edition of the paper. To boost her salary she took out fake ads. When the owner of the newspaper started calling the companies in the ads to collect payment, he started learning that no ads were ever purchased, and there were many of them. SCORE for the companies, sounds like free advertising to me. How long did she actually expect her plan to go undetected?
The Wedding Dress Train From Hell-
BEIJING, China- A Chinese bride wanted to enter the Guinness Book of World Records and she wanted to do it in style. Bride Lin Rong wanted to have the longest wedding dress train in history. And we’re not talking 20, 50, 100 or even 1000 feet long. It took guests more than three hours roll out the dress and apply 9,999 silk red roses to the 1.2 mile long train. The groom’s family went on record opposing the costly $5,856 dress and his mother said, “ It is a waste of money in my opinion.” I’m gonna second that and say it a waste of a lot more than just money. 
Take Me Drunk I’m Home-
LINCOLN, Nebraska- A young 21-year-old man could not find his keys so he broke into his house. Police were called to investigate and found the man in the basement. When questioned he told cops he was home. In fact, he was not home but had broken into the wrong house a few streets away. He was arrested on trespassing and vandalism. You’ve gotta be pretty drunk to make that mistake.
A Cheesy Altercation-
SHELBYVILLE, Tennessee- A feisty couple, a 40-year-old man and 44-year-old woman got into a highly emotional verbal altercation. Somehow during the verbal barrage it got physical using Cheetos. Yes, orange and cheesy Cheetos. They were both arrested and charged with domestic assault. I could be wrong, but the last time I used Cheetos as a weapon it was called a food fight.
© 2009 StrangeRush.com
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CHARLESTON, South Carolina-
Every day thousands of people witness various types accidents across the Untied States and use their cell phones to call for emergency assistance. Sometimes I wonder how we ever made it as a society without cell phones on our hips, making it possible to call anyone at any time, at a moments notice. Because of cell phone, in most cases, emergency assistance can be at an accident scene within mere minutes.
It’s been quite a few years, but can recall four very different, but specific cases, when I used my cell phone to call for help. Once was for a substantial spin out on the freeway, another for an apparent drunk driver who was all over the road, another for a large grass fire, and finally when I saw what appeared to be a small plane possibly crash into the ground, but was unsure due to visual restrictions.
I was reminded of the last incident with the plane when I read about a motorist who had called 911 to report a helicopter was spewing smoke as it plunged toward the Wando River in South Carolina. One police officer, a fire battalion chief, and three fire trucks raced to the scene of the crash. Another police officer was in the region and saw the disaster scene before anyone else had arrived. He was very calm and collected and took care of everything himself. He called off the troops because the incident was not a big deal. What the 911 caller did not notice was the distressed helicopter was only a 2 foot long toy helicopter. The distance the reporting party was from the toy helicopter threw off his depth perception and he had no way to tell the actual size of the aircraft.
The moral of the story: Distance and size of an aircraft can throw off a person’s perception. I would say there is no fault here, it could happen to anyone.
© 2009 StrangeRush.com
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SUNSET HILLS, Missouri-
First thing I want to say is I am sorry this is not a Christmas related story, I tried but could not find anything to work with. I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas.
We’ve all seen the sign: No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service. Let’s be real, we live in a fairly civilized society (at least most of the time…..or at least some of the time) so the shirt and shoe requirement should be pretty much common sense by now. Walking into a restaurant or some other respectable establishment with no shoes is not something I’d ever do and I don’t think anyone else should either. In fact, the thought has never even crossed my mind. Just this last summer I was at a fast food restaurant and there were quite a few teenagers who had come in with no shirt or shoes on, and some missing both. They had been over at the water slides across the street, so it was understandable as to why, but still didn’t seem right.
This sort of incident happened to a lady and her mother in a Burger King in Missouri. In this case a lack of footwear caused the employees of the Burger King to strictly enforce the rule and they asked Jennifer Frederich and her mother to leave the establishment immediately. In the end they ate very fast so they would not be kicked out, but the fact was that they had been asked to leave. This isn’t such a strange story until you get the full details. Both Jennifer and her mother were fully clothed and shoed. The trouble maker in this case was Jennifer’s six-month old daughter, Kaylin.
So I’m going to stick with my original statement that I think people should have shoes and shirts on at all times when in a public restaurant or the like, but when the offender is a six month old, I’m gonna say that is pushing it. I could honestly care less about an infant with no shoes, seriously, who cares?
In the end both Burger King corporate and the franchise owner of the offending BK said the rule was pushed too far and both apologized to the mother for the incident.
The moral of the story: When enforcing rules at your place of work, use common sense too.
© 2009 StrangeRush.com
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SALISBURY, Massachusetts-
It had been 12 long years since 55 year old William Thomson of Everett, Massachusetts had had his run-in with the Salisbury Police Department, and he just couldn’t let it go. Back in 1997 Thompson had created such a disturbance with the Salisbury Police that he felt he needed to apologize for his atrocious actions. Records of his 1997 arrest showed he was charged by the Salisbury Police with disorderly conduct, resisting arrest, and malicious destruction of property over $250. He had spent five days in jail for his crimes.
Given the extended duration of time that had passed since the occurrence it seems a little odd that Mr. Thomson would feel such a strong need to apologize, after all, would anyone at the police department even remember the incident? But as the saying goes, “A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.” So I have to give the guy credit for admitting he was wrong and standing up and being a man. In an attempt to show his sincere remorse for what happened in 1997, Mr. Thomson walked into the Salisbury Police station with three large cups of coffee and told a dispatcher he wanted to apologize for what happened 12 years before. I would imagine the reaction he got was something along the lines of let bygones be bygones. I mean shoot, how often do former criminals walk into a police station after 12 years and profess their sincere sorrow?
Following Mr. Thomson’s emotional and long overdue reunion, the excitement for the Salisbury police was not quite over. Just after 1am the next morning, a Salisbury police officer pulled up on a vehicle on the side of the road that had its engine still running. The officer initially thought the vehicle was empty, but upon further inspection noted a man slumped over on to the passenger seat, passed out. In an attempt to wake him the officer yelled at him repeatedly then eventually began shaking his left arm. After about five seconds the man awoke and yelled at the officer, “Hey, what are you doing?” The officer grabbed a beer can that was in the driver’s possession and grabbed a second can that was in the car. At some point the man exited the vehicle. The officer said the man smelled of alcohol and his speech was slurred. When asked where he was, the man stated he was at Revere Beach (which is about 35 miles south of Salisbury).
The man then began to scream at the officer that he was in the Marine Corps and a former jail guard and demanded to know why the officer was doing this to him. The man attempted to get back in his car and that was when the officer pinned him to the door. The man fought back and took a wild swing at the officer, but was eventually placed under arrest and put into a police cruiser. Upon searching the car police found an excess of both full and empty beer cans.
When police got him to the jail and started the booking process he became even more hostile and screamed and yelled nonstop at officers. According to the report on the incident, the man threatened one officer by saying he had friends in the Irish mob who would find out where the officer lived and take care of him. He also said his friends would break officer’s knees if he was lucky, and he said he was in the Marine Corps combat fighting school and was a brown belt. He rambled on about how he served the country and wanted to know what branch the officer served in, the Salvation Army?
Eventually, when they got to the Breathalyzer test, officers uncuffed him and he proceeded to lunge at the Breathalyzer machine and punched it full force. That was when officers placed him in an arm bar and roughly escorted him into a holding cell. At that point he did his best to flood the cell with the toilet and sink water and all water to the cell had to be shut off.
With these two separate storied that the Salisbury Police had to deal with, within a 24 hour period, you have two very different endings. On the one hand you have a very heart warming and repentant story of a man who knew he had screwed up many years before, and just wanted to make it right. On the other hand you have a crazy drunk guy acting very much like the man in the first story had 12 years before.
And for the record, these are not two separate stories tied together simply by the Salisbury Police Department. This is one ongoing story. The drunk guy pulled out of the car at 1am, who created the huge scene, was again, Mr. William Thomson of Everett, Massachusetts.
The moral of the story: In 2021 when William Thomson shows up at the Salisbury Police Department with six cups of coffee, they might as well just lock him up right then.
© 2009 StrangeRush.com
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NEW YORK-
Many people believe we live in a sue happy society, where anyone can, and will, sue anyone else at any time, for any reason. And I tend to agree. One can never be too careful because at any time they could have a lawyer breathing down their neck demanding money or threatening a lawsuit. In many cases the person or company being sued may genuinely have reason to worry, while at other times they can laugh in the face of their accuser.
There was a recent case in which a disgruntled customer went after a company, who Forbes.com lists as the 38 largest company in the entire world. In this case, the complainant, Dalton Chiscolm of somewhere in New York, contended he placed a series of calls to Bank of America and said a ‘Spanish lady’ gave him inconsistent information and that checks were rejected because of incomplete routing numbers. This really really pissed him off. So, over a customer service issue, and no personal loss of anything monetary or tangible, Mr. Chiscolm decided he would sue the gigantic bank for a whole lotta cash.
Now, I’m the first guy who will stand up and say how upset I have been at times with big business (However, I’ve never had an issue with B of A). With as much as the average person deals with big business on a daily basis, disputes and unhappy customers are bound to happen, and are expected. That’s why every company has customer service managers, and in many cases dispute resolution departments. I can understand the frustration this man was feeling, as I am sure you can too, even if he brought it on himself by being a pain in the ass. We’ve all been there with big business. But three things immediately come to mind about this story. 1) If you are going to sue the 38th largest company in the world you better have a solid game plan and an army of good attorneys to back you up (because Big Business sure as hell will). 2) If you are going to sue, make sure you have a solid reason to do so, not just that they pissed you off with bad customer service (and in this case there isn’t even proof there was any bad customer service, this could simply be a case of ‘idiot customer’, which makes sense given the terms of proposed lawsuit). 3) And finally, if you are going to sue, at least be realistic with your demands and the monetary number being requested.
Evidently, the brilliant Mr. Chiscolm demanded that B of A deposit a very large sum of money into his account the next day. Somehow, Mr. Chiscolm found a way to have a judge look at his case and U.S. District Judge Denny Chin ordered the plaintiff to ‘show cause’ or the suit would be dismissed.
Ultimately, it is quite obvious B of A had absolutely nothing to worry about. It may have cost them a few thousand dollars to get an attorney or two to deal with this crazy consumer, but that’s chump change for them. I suppose you are wondering what this ‘LARGE sum of money was’? OK……are you ready for this? Mr. Chiscolm demanded B of A give him 1,784 billion, trillion dollars. Or maybe this will put it into better perspective: $1,784,000,000,000,000,000,000,000. On top of this idiotic amount, he also demanded an additional $200,164,000 for reasons not clear. Shit, Dalton, why didn’t you just make it an even $1,784,000,000,000,000, 200,164,000 so that additional $200,164,000 didn’t stand out so much?
The moral of the story: The world is FULL of idiots and there is absolutely NOTHING anyone can do about it.
© 2009 StrangeRush.com
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COEUR D’ALENE, Idaho-
He wasn’t your typical neighborhood robber. Most robbers would steal your TV or XBOX 360, maybe some cash or your most treasured jewelry. But this robber was notorious and stole often, but he was simple. All he usually wanted was basic items of clothing and nothing would stop him from fulfilling his fetish.
He stole so much and so often, that eventually he was caught, but it took quite some time. Once he was finally identified as the culprit only his first name was given, Jack. How fitting since he seemed to “Jack” everything in the neighborhood. He stayed tight lipped about why he stole so often. His mother considered bringing in some sort of specialist to try and get through to him since he would absolutely not talk to anyone about his crimes, not even dear old mom.
Jack never wanted anything flashy and did his best work in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes getting started around 4am. Jack seemed to steal simply for the thrill of it. Typically, he’d take a hat here, designer shorts there, and had stolen several towels. Something he seemed to be most fond of were gloves. Jack had stolen 27 pair of gloves in all (sometimes he was known to only take only one glove at time). Jack’s mother had finally figured out his clothing fetish and taken everything he had stolen and put it all out in the front yard for others to see and potentially claim. There was so much stolen material that one neighbor thought it was a yard sale.
Logic would tell you that once Jack was caught he’d conform. After all, how hardened a criminal could he be if all he ever jacked were various types of clothing? But Jack could care less about public opinion, nothing would stop him. So Jack’s mother decided she had to take a stand and air all his dirty laundry. She admitted to everyone the truth about Jack. He was not your typical cat burglar, he was only a year old and that’s one of the reasons no one could get through to him, the other was because Jack was a cat.
The moral of the story: If your kitty can’t keep his paws to himself, might be time to leave him in the house.
© 2009 StrangeRush.com
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This is the seventh installment of a StrangeRush mini.
Can’t Catch Me-
LONGVIEW, Washington- A Canadian man was arrested for evading Sheriff’s deputies on a three-mile, somewhat high speed, chase on Interstate 5 in southern Washington. Once deputies finally stopped the rental car, the assailant laughed at them and refused to exit the vehicle. They broke the glass and were forced to taser him. During the entire chase the assailant drove his rental car in reverse.
Just a Small Blaze-
BELLEVUE, Washington- When a family was away from their home a blaze broke out that was significant enough to cause $215,000 of damage. Luckily the family dog was rescued when a neighbor noticed the smoke and flames. What did the official report list as the cause of the fire? Fido’s water bowl was glass and working with the sun acted as a sort of magnifying glass, causing the back deck to start on fire.
Get the Hell Out of the Way-
SPRINGFIELD, Massachusetts- A young 17-year-old girl just wanted a little practice driving so her mom and dad took her to a movie theater parking lot where she could practice. Mom sat on a fence while father and daughter practiced. The anxious new driver accidentally hit the accelerator instead of the brake, causing the car to crash into the fence and break both of her dear mommy’s legs.
Asset Protection-
MANSFIELD, Massachusetts- When a bankrupt medical device maker went out of business they left behind some assets that anyone would find a little creepy. The company had nine human cadavers, eight of which were previously used. The cadavers had been frozen in the company’s former headquarters. Arrangements had been made for their proper disposal.
© 2009 StrangeRush.com
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MARATHON, Florida-
When it comes to screw ups with the kids, it always seems to be either mom or dad. How often does it turn out grandma is the one who screwed up? In this case, granny must have been on drugs or something because what she did was absolutely inexcusable, and to put it proper terms, just plain unbelievable. So crazy, in fact, I am struggling to put it into words.
Basically, the story goes something like this: Grandma was watching her 3-year-old granddaughter and had taken her to the grocery store. Later police were called to the Publix grocery store because of an odd 911 report. Evidently, grandma thought it would be okay for her to show the little one some fun, so she put the child on the roof of her car and drove around the parking lot. When police arrived and arrested the idiot she said she didn’t think her little granddaughter was having enough fun and that she needed some fresh air. I can only imagine the look on the police officer’s face when that was her rational. After the incident the idiot went on record and said she would never let anything hurt her granddaughter and that she said she was driving at “snail-speed” while holding the child’s leg. Well, that makes it all okay now, doesn’t it?
Fifteen hours after the event, granny was released from jail. I highly doubt she will be watching the little angel anytime before her 35th birthday. Do people just have temporary lapses in judgment or are they just plain stupid? This is not the sort of thing you lapse in judgment, so I’m gonna have to say in this case she’s just stupid.
The moral of the story: This is such a ridiculous story, there is no moral.
© 2009 StrangeRush.com
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WASHINGTON D.C.-
Army Colonel Henry Moak, Jr. loves pound cake. He loves it made from scratch and he loves it in the canned variety. In fact Henry Moak will take pound cake just about any way he can get it. And when it came to his retirement party from the Army, guess what Henry Moak ate? You guessed it, pound cake. But this pound cake was not your ordinary garden variety pound cake, this cake was very special.
Knowing that Henry Moak could have had just about any pound cake in the world, that his little heart desired, he elected to go with his favorite……canned pound cake. For simplicity you wonder? Nah! Colonel Moak went with the canned cake because of nostalgia. This can of cake was very unique and dated back quite a while, 36 years to be exact.
Colonel Moak took possession of the can back in 1973 when he was a helicopter pilot in Vietnam. At the time he vowed to hold on to the uneaten can until the day he retired, and that’s exactly what he did. So on the day of his retirement, Colonel Moak took the can and, hoping it would not explode, cracked it open. And to the disbelief of many party goers, Colonel Moak sniffed it and said, “It smells good,” and followed up with a bite. Jokingly he acted as if he were staggering backward and someone in the crowd muttered, “Eeww, gross!” But Moak professed that the cake was, “Good and still a little moist.”
Either being very generous, or wanting someone else to share in his potential stomach-ache-to-be, he offered some of his cherished cake to anyone who was gutsy enough to try it. And that’s when retired Lieutenant General Paul T. Mikolashek stepped up to the plate and hit a home run by taking an even bigger chunk of the canned cake and said, “Tastes just like it always did.”
A spokesman for the Defense Supply Center in Philadelphia said that the military discourages people from eating overly aged rations because of the risk of mold and deadly botulism if the sealing on the food has been broken, which is not always visible. A 36 year old ration is too old? Awwww come on, it’s not old until at least 40 years have passed.
Over the years Colonel Moak allowed his children to eat some of the rations he had kept, but he always warned them to never touch his precious pound cake.
The moral of the story: My guess is any canned rations over 10 years or so could have some adverse affects on a person’s health. Who knows what sort of metal seepage occurred over a period of 36 years in a ration can produced in the 1970s. Personally, I’d have to pass.
© 2009 StrangeRush.com
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