TORRINGTON, Conn. —

It seemed like a perfect Saturday for a 25 year old man we’ll call, Pete. Pete had been trying his best to date an older, 34 year old woman, whom we’ll call, Danielle. It appeared the magical day was going to come to a glamorous conclusion with Pete finally bedding Danielle, something he had dreamed of for quite some time. As they started getting into it, Pete realized Danielle was better in the sack than he had imagined. She knew how to move, and she was quite vocal, just they way he liked. Her verbal moans and groans turned him on something fierce. She was so loud he wondered if she would disturb the neighbors?

Out of nowhere, Pete found himself being attacked by four people. He was punched and beat with a baseball bat. It turns out a young 16 year old female lived in the home with the 34 year old woman and the teenager mistook the older woman’s screams and cries as an attack. The 16 year old gathered four friends together to stop the rape.

Pete was treated for non life threatening injuries and hit the road in search of a new lady friend.

The moral of the story: Before having sex, always make sure there are no baseball bats in the house.

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